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How did I get here?


We are back to how I got here. When we left off, I had just got a new boss after the old boss had been promoted and moved away.

The new boss was friendly, always hyping people and just a happy person. That niceness, though, liked to beat around the bush. The new boss would meet with everyone in our department for feedback every week. When it was my turn, the conversations were standard. "How are you?" "What are you up to this weekend?" etc. When I got to my feedback, it was the same with no clarity: I needed to be more like a leader, and I was always so close, "Just not there yet."

When I first got this feedback, I did what I could. I started researching our policies, listening to audiobooks on being a good leader, taking calls, doing anything to improve, and trying to get to where my new boss wanted me. Every week though, I was told the same thing: "Just not there yet." Months passed, and I tried everything within reason, but I was always "Just not there yet."

I tried my best, and it felt like it was never good enough. While I was stressing myself out, my wife was going through her battle. Finally, our mental battles reached a boiling point. My boss permitted me to take some time off and address the issues. With some help from her family and me, my wife resolved her issues. Mine, though, required more professional help. For the first time, I started seeing a therapist who helped me navigate what was happening in my head. I acknowledged that I did not handle stress healthily; instead, I would bottle up what was bothering me. My therapist also helped me realize issues stemming from my job. One was that it was not worth continuing if I dreaded going to work and trying so hard to the point where I had mental breakdowns.

After talking things over with my wife, I decided to resign.

Thank you all for reading this far. I promise we are getting closer to the end. See you next week!


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